Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
