Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
