my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
