I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
