My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
