so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
