Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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