apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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