I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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