it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
