shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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