wake up i wanna do it froggy style
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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