Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
