1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
