In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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