I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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