yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
