she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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