So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
