So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
