I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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