I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
