I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
