I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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