yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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