How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
