Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
