did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
