That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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