I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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