Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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