And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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