remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
