You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
