giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
