At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
