drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
