sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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