No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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