you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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