She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
