I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
