You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
