Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Green mimosas i think yes
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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