well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
