There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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