I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize