RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
