thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
