just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
