I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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