wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
