I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i believe in u and ur pee
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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