You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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