She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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