the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My cat gives me a boner
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
