hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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