Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
