oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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