My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
