we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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