We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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