Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize