last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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