I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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