glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
