from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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