Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
