Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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